steph _ needs somewhere to belong (gothically) wrote in oneshotdrabble,
steph _ needs somewhere to belong
gothically
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[Naruto] Feel the Silence

Title: Feel the Silence
Author: Steph Gothically
Pairing: Kakashi x Iruka
Content: Just a song fic, no action.
Rating: G

Feel the Silence


It was karaoke night at the local bar; a night for weary ninjas to relax and unwind, at least as much as they were able to. It was this night that one academy sensei decided that he would make a more noticeable effort at catching the attention of a certain jounin.

His expressive brown eyes could not hide his nervousness. Almost every pair of eyes in the bar was on him. Everyone seemed to be interested in what the generally shy and reserved Chuunin teacher would sing, some were impressed he was even on the stage. Ever since he had matured Iruka had preferred to stay out of the limelight.

Standing in the bright spot light now he couldn’t make out the people watching him in the dim light of the rest of the room. He took a deep steadying breath as the intro music started to play. His eyes focused on a none descript point on the wall across the haze filled room as his soft voice started to sing the words he had memorized for this moment.

You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry
All you remember now
Is what you feel

He remembers being alone. Something he wants to change. He also wants to change the sadness he sees every time that lone blue eye curls falsely at him, the pain within that is never properly released.

The truth remains
In midnight conversations
I asked for this moment
But you turned away

He remembers coming across the other ninja at the memorial stone. He had stood there next to the silver haired jounin, close enough for the other to know that he was offering his support. A way of saying that he didn’t have to be alone, to suffer in silence. He remembers being ignored; the other man had shuffled of as silently as he had stood there next to him.

Sad like a lonely child
Broken the day you're born
I held the light to you
But I was so vain

He remembers seeing Hatake Kakashi when the man had is guard down, when he thought no one was looking. He saw a man – grown to fast out of boyhood. A man who was not able to completely cope with the tragedies he had seen in his life. Who did not have a way to fight of the darkness that threatens to overwhelm his mind.

And you remain
A promise unfulfilled
I ask you for more
But you push me away

He can only watch as the other fights everything alone; refusing to open himself enough to allow others deep into his heart. Every time he tries to get closer he gets pushed farther away.

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain

He can feel the weight of silence; it drags on his heart as he watches the man he loves slowly succumbs to the darkness within while nothing is said. It breaks his heart.

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside us
Looking for something more to say
I don't know where I'm going
Only know where I been

The longer you live in silence the harder it is to say something. The oppression grows. And each moves in the path of least resistance; remaining in silence because the right words can not be found.

But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind
We've been so lost for so long
I don't know how to get back again
And we're drowning in the water
That flows under this bridge
When you're fighting the current
You forget how to live

In all honesty he tried to resist at first. He had been scarred to get involved, but it was inevitable. And then – he hadn’t wanted to get away; only he couldn’t get any closer. He was caught where he was unable to move in either direction and all he could see was the man who had unintentionally stolen his heart become devoured by the demons in his head.

And I wanted to reach you
But I don't know where to begin
And you remain
A promise unfulfilled until today
And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain
And if we feel the silence
Leaving this all behind us
When it's gone what will you say

In his mind he can see the silver haired man standing in front of the memorial stone. Like the jounin was reluctant to move away from the past; as if his soul was chained to it. Iruka didn’t want the man to remain alone, that if he were to ever move forward he would not have to do it alone.

How do we hold on
How do we hold on
How do we hold on
How do we hold on
How do we hold on

His breath hitched as he gave a fleeting thought to this being a last ditch effort. He did not want to give up; he wanted to break the silence. He wanted to be noticed by a pair of mix matched eyes, and he wanted them to shine with the light of hope; the future.

You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry

He let his voice trail off with the music. The patrons at the bar could only clap in stunned surprise. The academy sensei could sing. And yet it was uncharacteristically sad for the Umino Iruka they knew. They didn’t understand but they clapped and cheered anyway.

In the audience a tear streamed down from a lone blue eye; he at least, and at last, understood.
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